The Doing Mask

By Karin Stawarky

In this unprecedented time of the pandemic over the past few months, much has shifted.

Our routines are interrupted.

We have been forced to step off of the treadmill that many of us have found ourselves on day after day, consciously or not, running and running and yet never arriving.

A number of us no longer drive to offices, to train stations, to airports, to schools… let alone do errands that fill weekends with one store after another, or shuttle from one activity to another for ourselves, family members, or friends.

This forced “pause” is a stark contrast to what many of us experience as normalcy. If you have found this shift jarring, or uncomfortable, you are not alone. If you are experiencing sensations of anxiety that you can’t quite put your finger on the why behind them, you are not alone.

Cognitively we know from research that pausing is a good thing. Reflecting — one form of pausing — is recognized as beneficial for individuals, teams, and organizations but infrequently gets translated into consistent practice. When reflection does happen, it seems to be with difficulty, effort, and resistance.

Many of my executive coaching clients find it hard to stop, to pause. We are constantly moving, constantly doing. This operating mode is reinforced within our families, our communities, our institutions (from schools to companies), and societies more broadly. This is particularly true as a cultural norm within the United States, where there are unwritten rules in our collective ethos around contemplation, rest, and work: just look at the difference in terms of the granted vacation time between companies in the US versus Europe as one manifestation.

Constant motion, or movement, is a mask. I call this the “Doing Mask”.

I have worn the Doing Mask. In fact, I’ve worn it for most of my life. A very dear friend of mine once remarked to me: “You know, you are one of the most productive people I know.” At the time, I took this as a compliment - indeed, a “badge of honor” – that I was continuously creating and producing. I was the one whom people turned to and relied upon to “get things done.” I proudly crossed item after item off of my daily to-do lists.

In recent years, as I have immersed myself in my own deep inner work bringing together a variety of disciplines and techniques, I became aware of the presence of the Doing Mask. The Doing Mask is a key tool for a part of me that I call the “Energizer Bunny”. Just like in the commercials, the Energizer Bunny was seemingly inexhaustible, never running out of battery, perkily keeping up a consistent drumbeat. Never resting, always moving. In fact, I even convinced myself – for years! – that I really only needed about 4-5 hours of sleep a night. After all, I could then accomplish that much more.

Why do I call it the Doing Mask? One purpose of a mask is to keep something hidden, be it an identity… or a truth. As I explored that part of myself, I discovered something – a different lens through which to view the Doing Mask. I realized that a driver for my constant doing, my endless to-do list, stemmed from a deep need to justify my worth to others. By producing, creating, doing, I was “productive” and being productive to me meant being of positive, accretive value – to my family, my team, my organization, my community, the world. It was a strategy that I learned very young and was implicitly, sub-consciously reinforced by the systems of which I am a part: family, schools, companies I worked for, the community and country I grew up in. Deep down, I believed it granted me respect, standing, and credibility.

Has the Doing Mask served me in my life? Absolutely. In many ways, I would not be where I am in this moment if not for that Energizer Bunny part of me, and for the Doing Mask. I am very grateful for both. I am proud of all that have accomplished and all that I have created.

And what have I also learned?

I now see the shadow side of the Doing Mask. In endlessly Doing, I was not permitting myself to Being.  I de-valued the worthiness of “just” Being.

I appreciate the intrinsic necessity of Being. Being produces the essential spark and the wise compass to my Doing. Being enables what I call Directed Doing.

The value in taking off the Doing Mask is that I create the space to look in the proverbial mirror and ask myself two essential questions:

• To what end?

• For whom?

To what end calls my attention to what the specific “doing” is in service of. Something or someone I value? Aligned with my intentions and aspirations? Enabling me to be of greatest service?

For whom calls my attention to whether I am doing this because I think is important, essential, or of value…. or if I am subconsciously doing it because “people” think I should. I call such people “The Invisible They” because I can’t point to any specific person in my life who expresses such judgement or opinion.

By downshifting into Being, I give myself the space to consider and make intentional choices, choices that transcend from the mundane to those of the highest order in guiding my life’s journey.

What do I say yes to and what do I say no to in terms of commitments and responsibilities?

What truly serves me? What does not?

How do those actions align with what I see as my calling in this world?

What does my body need from me, a body that has carried me through much thus far?

What care does my spirit need?

What relationships mean the most to me, and what tending or presence do they need?

I appreciate that Doing and Being are yin and yang; the greatest benefit is experienced in the combination.  We need to BE in order to most effectively DO, and as we DO, we are provided with learning, wisdom, and insight that illuminates our awareness as we BE. The balance between the two states is dynamic.  With growing awareness and deliberate practice, I find myself more fluidly now moving between them over a course of a day.

An unexpected gift of this global health crisis – the forced stopping - is the reveal of the Doing Mask for those who choose to see it and embrace it, with courage and with curiosity.

I invite you to explore the Doing Mask for yourself.

• Consider your usage. In what ways have you been wearing a Doing Mask?

  • What has wearing the Doing Mask provided to you? How has it served you?  In what situations particularly?

  • What did wearing the Doing Mask encourage you to say YES to? What have been the implications?

  • What did wearing the Doing Mask encourage you to say NO to? What have been the implications?

• Trace the ripple effect. How have you been encouraging a Doing mask for your team or your organization?

  • What have you prioritized as a result?

  • What have you de-prioritized, or turned away from?

  • How has that served you?

  • How has it gotten in your way? What has it held you back from?

• Visualize removing the Doing Mask. What comes up for you?

  • What do you become aware of that it has been hiding? What yearnings or desires? What fears or concerns? What questions or uncertainties?

• Explore the Being.

  • What does being in Being look like to you?

  • How do you create space for Being?

  • What do you need to believe to create that space and allow that for yourself?

  • When will you practice that?

  • What will you do when that that intention or time is challenged (when the pull of the Doing Mask becomes powerful)?

The Doing Mask is an important life accessory. It has usefulness in different situations and contexts. Going forward, may you put it on with greater intentionality and fully leverage its benefits and impact in balancing it with times of Being.

Are You Steady or Nimble? Watch-outs When the Unexpected Happens

By Karin Stawarky

When life throws you a curveball, are you steady? Or, are you nimble?

We each tend to have a default propensity towards one of two responses when unexpected things happen that disrupt the world around us. If we tend to be steady, we may deliberately not change our course at all, staying true to both the plan and the destination despite the changing context. If there are any shifts, they would be minor. On the other hand, if we tend to be nimble, we respond very quickly to the stimulus by rapidly adjusting in response to it. This may be creating a different plan to get to where we want to go or potentially defining a whole new direction all together. 

Neither one is good or bad, right or wrong. Either can be just exactly the right response in the circumstance given the context and other factors. (It’s worth noting that we have the capacity for either response, but just like a dominant muscle, when our mind is in autopilot we show a preference for one.)

The challenge comes in high stakes situations where there is a significant amount of uncertainty. Both of those propensities can go from helpful where that propensity is working for you to the shadow side where the propensity is harmful to you, where that response pattern no longer serves you and can work against you. Are you steady, or are you stuck? Are you nimble, or are you reactive?

When you’re in the stuck shadow, it causes you to hold back. Often it is because you’re in resistance to something. There is a resistance to movement, and what underlies this resistance is a belief or assumption about what you think will or will not happen. For those in the reactive shadow, it often indicates that you’re running away from something. At its root, there is a belief or assumption which triggers fear that then prompts the movement.

For leaders in organizations, the ripple effects of these default propensities can be significant, particularly when the behavior shifts from helpful into harmful. When a leader who has a propensity to be steady becomes ‘stuck’, it can freeze a team or organization from moving forward, effectively staying super-glued to a course that may have become obsolete. Similarly, when a leader who has a propensity to be nimble becomes reactive, they can make what look like erratic or irrational adjustments. This at best causes confusion in an organizational system and at worst can produce material waste in work and time.  At the extremes of either scenario, you risk employee disengagement and an eroding trust in leadership. Further, when there are two dominant leaders who firmly anchored in ‘opposing camps’, a polarizing tug-of-war is created which can wreak havoc in an organization, let alone on the quality of the leaders’ relationship to each other.

So, what can you do?

• Recognize your default propensity.  Reflect over the recent past, let’s say the past year or two. Think about times in your professional and personal life when you suddenly faced unexpected events or ‘curveballs’. Visualize yourself back in that moment. How did you react?

  • Did you think carefully through the situation and generally keep true to your original course of action, thinking about why the approach should not change?

  • Or, did you flex into a new course of action quickly, fueled by the reasons why the original plan should change?

  • Make a note of how many times you were in the steady versus the nimble camp.  What pattern do you notice?

• Appreciate how it has served you. Now think back on those situations. In what ways did a propensity serve you? What benefits did it produce? What did you learn from those experiences?

• Sharpen your pattern recognition. Reflect on those times when your default propensity worked against you. What common themes or characteristics do you notice about those situations?

• Dig a little deeper. Unearth insights on what cause you to shift into the shadow side during trigger situations.

  • As you reflect on those moments of stuck-ness, ask yourself: what am I resistant to in this moment? Trust the first thing that comes to the surface of your mind. What is the belief or assumption that jumps out as to what you believe would have happened if you did the opposite?

  • As you reflect on those moments of reactivity, ask yourself: what am I running away from in this moment? What is the belief or assumption that jumps out as to what you believe would have happened if you did the opposite?

In completing this reflection thoughtfully, you amp up your capability to respond more effectively in situations moving forward. Awareness of your propensity enables you to intentionally act in ways that best serve you and your organization in the future.

What’s required to activate this awareness you have developed? It’s the power of the pause between the trigger event and your behavioral response. Pausing creates space for you to assess how your propensity works for you or against you in the situation. I think about this as “Take 3” when you sense the warning lights flashing given your heightened awareness of trigger situations:

1. Am I operating from my shadow? What is really motivating me in the moment?

2. What would the opposite course of action from my default (steady or nimble) look like? What are the benefits of that?

3. Who can I check in with to test my thinking on the best course of action?

By pausing, you enable your propensity – be it steady or nimble – to be the asset it can be to you and your organization.