Possibly Your Most Important Week One As A Leader

Ensuring Calm Cohesion triumphs instead of Fear-based Fragmentation

By Karin Stawarky

What’s the “week one” that I am referring to? When all those across the world have returned to their physical places of work from this extended period of working from home or quarantining.

Why is it your most important week? Because at a time likely unparalleled in your career, the stakes now have never been higher because of collective threats to one of our most fundamental needs as humans: our need for safety – physical safety, financial safety, emotional safety.  

And less obviously, this period has magnified another essential human need – for belonging. As work consumes the majority of the waking hours, it is for many a large component of self-identity. Work also provides us with membership in a community, and these connections feed us in different ways. When we are prevented from going to the familiar physical structures of the workplace and engaging in routines, rituals, and interactions that explicitly reinforce belonging in the context of work, we can feel un-moored.

As we are sequestered to home over an extended period, our needs of safety and belonging can be satisfied on one level. For many we have benefited from being cushioned in our most familiar and intimate space, our nest. We may have family members or people we love together with us. We connect virtually with friends and family through video or voice. The experience is like being wrapped in a cocoon which muffles the emotions of anxiety, frustration, despair, overwhelm, and fear.

Proactively shape the climate

The atmosphere shifts when we come back to the office. And that atmosphere at work does not just happen; it is generated when people come together and interact.  The most powerful influence over the nature of that atmosphere is you as a leader. As a leader in an organization, you shape what the qualities of the atmosphere are through your presence, your words, and your actions. The nature of the atmosphere you create will make it easier or harder for the organization to rebound from the current crisis, a world turned upside down. It can be a powerful force that boosts or holds back an organization.

At the most basic level, there are two different kinds of atmospheres that can be created: Calm Cohesion or Fear-based Fragmentation.

When an atmosphere of Calm Cohesion prevails, people share the mindset that we are truly in this together. We look at the world through the lenses of WE and US.  We are aware of and speak about the reality we face. While being clear-eyed about the implications, we experience calm because of the confidence in our individual and collective ability to see through to the other side of this. When we act as a collective, we multiple our energy and effort, generating significant force and momentum.  We focus on what we can control and what we can influence. We don’t let concerns over which we have no agency consume our thought and action. What we see is the organization acting as one whole, one unit, where inter-connections are reinforced. This activates the organization’s ability to tap into the full extent of the energy, experience, and expertise that is present and available, producing innovative ideas, insightful learning and knowledge, considered decisions, and aligned action.

When an atmosphere of Fear-based Fragmentation dominates, the prevailing mindset is one characterized by the belief that I am alone. In this case, the lens is focused on ME. One feels disconnected from others and without support. In this state, our minds tend to anchor on what is out of our ability to control and we live in the world of worst-case scenarios. We see all that is not present, instead of all that is. The risk of being in a state of overwhelm is high. A feeling of fear escalates as a downward spiraling train of thoughts of “and then… and then…” takes hold. The consequence? An organization fragments into individual parts. We experience separation from others instead of connection. Forward movement stalls. In a state of paralysis, the best ideas are blocked from coming to the surface, decisions (if made) are made reactively and isolation, learning is neglected, and knowledge remains unexploited.

What can you do as a leader to foster Calm Cohesion instead of Fear-based Fragmentation in your organization?

Put on your oxygen mask first

Mirror neurons in our brains sense not only the actions but also the emotions and intentions of other humans we encounter. A high degree of interpersonal sensitivity exists below the surface of our awareness. We often think we can “fake it” to others, presenting an external face (e.g. of calm, of confidence) at odds with the emotions wreaking havoc within. At a subconscious level, other people can quickly and effectively read your inner state more accurately than you think. It affects how they resonate with you and influences whether they decide to engage with you or follow your lead.

Managing your inner self is then job #1. How do you not let anxiety get the best of you? Consider what you need to maintain your personal center of calm; this inner calm is a state of being that is present within all of us and available to us when we need it. You may already have personal practices that help to re-ground and re-center you. Such practices may include meditating, being out in nature (walking under trees or gardening), creating or building something, organizing, or spending quality time with those near and dear to you. If you have not identified what those are for you, this is a great time to start experimenting. Clues that will help you discern if that the practice serves you is noticing if your breath slows and quiets, or sensing if your body relaxes, with an absence of sensations of tightness, constriction, or rigidity.

Create an atmosphere of safety

A key differentiator between Calm Cohesion and Fear-based Fragmentation lies in the effectiveness of our collective adaptive response to the crisis we find ourselves in. Neuroscience research highlighted by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk outlines two factors which influence the effectiveness of this response to threat: (1) the ability we have to take an active role and demonstrate agency (become an agent of our own rescue, so to speak) and (2) the arrival at a place of safety within which we are able to tap our imagination and inner creativity to generate alternative solutions to address the situation.

Some things you can do to create a space which engenders feelings of safety include:

• Make yourself accessible to others. Let people know when and how they can talk with you.

• Listen deeply, listening to understand and not to respond. Play back what has been expressed to you (“what I heard you say is….”) to affirm you heard them.

• Establish a regular communication tempo. In your communications, follow a consistent pattern of sharing where you are at now, where you are going, what you know and what you don’t know, and when you will get back to them with more information and updates.

• Highlight accomplishments of what has been achieved and unexpected discoveries.

Engage others in co-creating solutions

By involving your organization or team in the “now what” strategizing and operationalizing, you provide them with a degree of agency in shaping the future as well as the now. You benefit from the diversity of perspectives, experiences, and expertise to get a better-informed grasp on the situation and innovative approaches to address them.

• With your team, create a list of issues, challenges, or problems.  

• Go through one by one and screen them by their nature:

  • What ones do we have control over and can directly affect the what and the how?

  • What ones do we have ability to influence?

  • What ones do we have concerns about but that we have no ability to influence (it is out of our hands completely)?

• Focus on the subset that you have control or influence over and prioritize these in terms of urgency and importance. Brainstorms options for how to best tackle the top priorities.

Reaffirm community

Stories inspire us and connect us to one another. Identify and share stories from your organization’s history that exemplify attributes which will help you now to successfully weather this current situation.

Look for and reinforce examples of the kind of organizational community you most aspire to be. Seeds of who you are at your collective best are present all around you. Shine a spotlight on those to the organization as a whole.

Mind your mind

As you navigate the days ahead, you may well feel the tendrils of anxiety, frustration, or overwhelm within. This is entirely normal. Interrupt those thoughts and feelings in your mind by seeing these as an opportunity for you to reground yourself. Simple affirmations, said aloud daily, are powerful tools for engaging your mind as a partner instead of an adversary. An affirmation that I often offer to my executive coaching clients is:

“I am doing the best I can in this moment with all the knowledge, experience, and tools that I have.”

This is indeed an extraordinary time in our history. And the time can be extra-ordinary for you and your organization. See and seize the possibility that lies within your grasp.

Are You Steady or Nimble? Watch-outs When the Unexpected Happens

By Karin Stawarky

When life throws you a curveball, are you steady? Or, are you nimble?

We each tend to have a default propensity towards one of two responses when unexpected things happen that disrupt the world around us. If we tend to be steady, we may deliberately not change our course at all, staying true to both the plan and the destination despite the changing context. If there are any shifts, they would be minor. On the other hand, if we tend to be nimble, we respond very quickly to the stimulus by rapidly adjusting in response to it. This may be creating a different plan to get to where we want to go or potentially defining a whole new direction all together. 

Neither one is good or bad, right or wrong. Either can be just exactly the right response in the circumstance given the context and other factors. (It’s worth noting that we have the capacity for either response, but just like a dominant muscle, when our mind is in autopilot we show a preference for one.)

The challenge comes in high stakes situations where there is a significant amount of uncertainty. Both of those propensities can go from helpful where that propensity is working for you to the shadow side where the propensity is harmful to you, where that response pattern no longer serves you and can work against you. Are you steady, or are you stuck? Are you nimble, or are you reactive?

When you’re in the stuck shadow, it causes you to hold back. Often it is because you’re in resistance to something. There is a resistance to movement, and what underlies this resistance is a belief or assumption about what you think will or will not happen. For those in the reactive shadow, it often indicates that you’re running away from something. At its root, there is a belief or assumption which triggers fear that then prompts the movement.

For leaders in organizations, the ripple effects of these default propensities can be significant, particularly when the behavior shifts from helpful into harmful. When a leader who has a propensity to be steady becomes ‘stuck’, it can freeze a team or organization from moving forward, effectively staying super-glued to a course that may have become obsolete. Similarly, when a leader who has a propensity to be nimble becomes reactive, they can make what look like erratic or irrational adjustments. This at best causes confusion in an organizational system and at worst can produce material waste in work and time.  At the extremes of either scenario, you risk employee disengagement and an eroding trust in leadership. Further, when there are two dominant leaders who firmly anchored in ‘opposing camps’, a polarizing tug-of-war is created which can wreak havoc in an organization, let alone on the quality of the leaders’ relationship to each other.

So, what can you do?

• Recognize your default propensity.  Reflect over the recent past, let’s say the past year or two. Think about times in your professional and personal life when you suddenly faced unexpected events or ‘curveballs’. Visualize yourself back in that moment. How did you react?

  • Did you think carefully through the situation and generally keep true to your original course of action, thinking about why the approach should not change?

  • Or, did you flex into a new course of action quickly, fueled by the reasons why the original plan should change?

  • Make a note of how many times you were in the steady versus the nimble camp.  What pattern do you notice?

• Appreciate how it has served you. Now think back on those situations. In what ways did a propensity serve you? What benefits did it produce? What did you learn from those experiences?

• Sharpen your pattern recognition. Reflect on those times when your default propensity worked against you. What common themes or characteristics do you notice about those situations?

• Dig a little deeper. Unearth insights on what cause you to shift into the shadow side during trigger situations.

  • As you reflect on those moments of stuck-ness, ask yourself: what am I resistant to in this moment? Trust the first thing that comes to the surface of your mind. What is the belief or assumption that jumps out as to what you believe would have happened if you did the opposite?

  • As you reflect on those moments of reactivity, ask yourself: what am I running away from in this moment? What is the belief or assumption that jumps out as to what you believe would have happened if you did the opposite?

In completing this reflection thoughtfully, you amp up your capability to respond more effectively in situations moving forward. Awareness of your propensity enables you to intentionally act in ways that best serve you and your organization in the future.

What’s required to activate this awareness you have developed? It’s the power of the pause between the trigger event and your behavioral response. Pausing creates space for you to assess how your propensity works for you or against you in the situation. I think about this as “Take 3” when you sense the warning lights flashing given your heightened awareness of trigger situations:

1. Am I operating from my shadow? What is really motivating me in the moment?

2. What would the opposite course of action from my default (steady or nimble) look like? What are the benefits of that?

3. Who can I check in with to test my thinking on the best course of action?

By pausing, you enable your propensity – be it steady or nimble – to be the asset it can be to you and your organization.